Filed under: Humor
I don’t know why, but it’s just not masculine to drink with a straw. Do you get that feeling too? It’s one of those things that, as a man, just doesn’t feel right. Sometimes I’ll be at Panera sippin on my 32nd sweet tea refill of the day and wonder why I just haven’t felt right about it the whole time; then it dawns on me: I’ve been drinking out of a dang straw the whole time. They may have a practical side, but I just can’t get past the sissy vibe they give me. I brought this up to some guys at lunch Sunday and they had some very helpful insights.
My friend Abraham, who, by the way, sports a quite substantial beard, offered the tidbit that a cup with a lid and a straw seems an awful lot like the adult version of lil kiddie’s sippy cup. Eureka! So true. What, I need a lid and a straw to keep me from spilling my grape drink all over my triangularly cut PBJ with no crust and teddy grahams? No thanks. I think I can handle it. It’s like bowling with bumbers, golfing from the ladies’ tee or wearing pads to a pickup game of football.
Other thoughts: No matter how hard you try, there’s no masculine way to drink out of a straw. Try it! You look like a sissy. You just can’t avoid the necessary puckering up and eyebrow raising. In fact, my bearded buddy Abraham says he and his brothers played a game when they were growing up, to see who could make drinking out of a straw look the most manly. Needless to say, nobody ever won.
And don’t even get me started on bendy straws. Not only can you not take the effort to bring the cup to your mouth, but you have to have it bend in the middle to make it even easier on your wrist muscles or something?
I know I’m running the risk of offending some guys right now. But if you’re offended, look at your life and drinking practices. Can you honestly defend drinking from a straw as masculine? I’d love to hear a plausible argument for it. Otherwise, I urge you, throw away your graduated sippy cup practices and join the rest of us at the big kid’s table.
So, what do you think? Is it unmanly? Manly? Neutral and of no importance? An indicator of the type of man someone may be? I’d love to hear some defenses for or against it. Comments?
–by joshcan
