Manspeak

–by joshcan

It’s just true! It’s subjectively true anyway. I know I can’t say objectively that girls talk weird, because they make up over half of the world’s population, so really, us men would be the weird ones. Either way, since God revealed himself as a male in Christ and as the “Father”, he counts on the man side. Girls, egalitarians, feminists, fight all you want, but the fullness of the Godhead on our side means we win.

Anyway, all that to preface. Like I was saying, girls talk weird! (I wouldn’t say this is any new or novel revelation for me or menkind in general, but it still makes a fun blog discussion.) One of the ways one may observe this is in the female habit of the unnecessary labeling of things. Things that don’t even need a label! For instance, a group of guys getting together. What would you call it? “Getting together,” “Chillin’,” “Whatever.” Some neuron (which God placed, so be thankful) in the other half of the species tells them, “No. This is no ordinary ‘Get together.’ There are no men here! This must be [INSERT EXCITEDLY APPROPRIATE LABEL HERE!!!!!!!].” GIRL-TIME!, A SLEEPOVER!, GIGGLE-FEST, et cetera, et cetera.

Or it could be a personal belonging, like a car. I obtained two cars in the past year, and the only people who have expected me to bestow upon it the right of human name, necessary for personal interaction with it, have been females. (Perhaps naming the car makes talking to themselves in the car less weird?) So, under pressure, I have given the cars names. One was Biff. The other, Beige. Cuz it’s beige. (Anyone who’s known me for over a year probably thinks I’m a hypocrite here though. I must say, I did have a car named the J-Traiyne, a name given it voluntarily, by myself. However, I claim, that’s not really a name name, it’s like a description of ownership. So I feel justified).

Moving on. Words/phrasings that with one of your male buddies might not pose much of a threat to your friendship or life, could very well endanger you if spoken to a lady. For instance, a male friend of mine asks, “What do you think about this?” I respond one-wordedly, “Sure.” All is well. If a female asks you, “What do you think about this?” then the answer “Sure” becomes offensive and obviously uncaringly simplistic. Not across the board for sure, but it happens!

A third thing I’ve noticed is that our female counterparts have an uncanny ability to make inanimate objects take on a girly aura when they describe them. This chiefly shows itself in the adding of the letter “W” and whatever prefix will make it rhyme with your chosen word. So, a simple pencil becomes a “Pencil Wencil.” A Cat becomes a “Kitty Witty”. A Dog, yup, a “Doggy Woggy”. It gets weirder too. Multiple times a sentence even! Ie: “Sure, I’ll get you a Bowlie wowlie for your Raisin-Branny Wanny.”

I’m thankful for my sisters! Not hatin’ on em. But they definitely talk weird.

Anyone have any examples from life?