Manspeak


What’s That Smell?! by Travis Evans
November 9, 2006, 8:18 am
Filed under: Culture

eternity

By: Travis Evans

Fellas, we all have favorites. Favorite food. Favorite weapon. Favorite cologne. Personally, I try not to wander too far from “faithful fragrances.” I think it is wise to keep colognes simple and consistent. Also, people need to smell nice. Yet, you might ask: What brand do I buy? What smell do I go for? What strength do I need? How much do I put on?

Since there is so much confusion, some guidelines are necessary.

Always lay down a base. Guys, one (and only one) smell will do. Never mix and match. Be consistent in the cologne that you use. If you do ever change colognes, make sure that your clothes were washed since your last brand.

Less is more. You want to hint to people that you smell good…don’t beat them to death with it.

Smell like a man. Not like a boy or a grandpa. No fruity or musty smells, and if Jeremy Bryant (Boomer) recommends it, RUN!

Judge a book by its cover. If the package and the bottle look good, chances are great that it will smell good.

Not a substitution. Cologne NEVER counts as a shower. It is not deodorant either.

Now, I am well aware that several different types of cologne applications exist. Some come in sprays, some spritz on, and some pour out of bottles.

For sprays, always spray a mist away from your body and walk through the mist. This method allows for an even coating and minimizes “over-smell.” Unless your cologne is very faint in strength, do not spray directly on your body.

For colognes that merely spritz, feel free to apply directly to neck and/or upper body, and rub in.

For colognes that pour, two methods exist. If your cologne is strong, place your finger or hand, which will make it stronger, over the bottle and turn the bottle upside down. Once it is on your finger, wipe your finger from your waist up to your neck, causing the strength to lessen where people will smell it the most. If your cologne is faint, place your finger or hand over the bottle and turn the bottle upside down. Once it is on your finger, wipe your finger from your neck down to your waist, causing the strength to stay where people will smell it the most.

As for how much to put on, this question cannot be answered. A man should know how much is too much. If not, it is always better to play it safe and not use any than to have on too much cologne.


Man Law: “If you can’t make the call, don’t use any at all.”

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21 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Eternity is MY brand name smell of choice.

As for ‘how much’ to put on,…I was always told that if you can smell it, then it’s probably too much. I would guess that you should be able to smell your cologne very faintly. I try to let people (translated women) know that someone (translated me) smells good, but make them (the women) get close enough to find out who it is.

I have washed my clothes and had Eternity permeate everything else in load of laundry. I didn’t even use that much. Eternity is powerful woman medicine. Please use responsibly!

My other favorite cologne is ‘dominant buck’!!

Good hunting, brothers!

Comment by Fritz

My cologne of choice: A1 Steak sauce! If you put too much on, just lick it off.

Comment by bigplew

I use cologe occasionally, but for some reason, no matter what happens, I usually have a particular “Kelfer-smell” or like at Anthem, smell like flowers (ask joshcan) even though I didn’t take a shower, use cologne, and wore the same clothes throughout. Kind of interesting yet disturbing…

Comment by Jonathan Kelfer

I actually took one shower, but it was on the last night and I can’t vouche for any truth in this.

[twilight zone music] Its simply a mystery… [/twilight zone music]

Comment by Jonathan Kelfer

Eternity makes me sick (literally). Woods (Abercrombie & Fitch) isn’t too bad. And for brothers on a budget, imitation cologne is available. My favorites: Tommy, CG Too. (Tommy’s Girlfriend is nice as well, but I’ve obviously never worn it.)

Comment by Cap Stewart

Here’s a question: Is it metro to even wear cologne in the first place?

I could understand some BRUT or OLD SPICE, but when you start talking about designer fragrances, something doesn’t sit right…

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

As a follow up…can men be metro and retain their masculinity? There’s something about a giant leather watch, trendy sunglasses, gratuitous amounts of hair gel, a man purse, and a pouty smile that doesn’t say “I’m a man.”

thoughts?

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

You can still be a man and smell nice. However, you CAN NOT be masculine AND metro at the same time. Metro is definitely creepy.

remember,…just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Comment by Fritz

Yes, kelfer does have a smell. Ill call it smelfer.

Comment by joshcan

Jonathan, thank you for asking that question. I was wondering, “is it just me, or is designer cologne not masculine” If you know of several kinds of designer cologne, and can actually recall from memory what they smell like (Cap), then you are flirting with femininity.

My theory is: no guys think they are metro. It must be revealed to them from brothers around them. If you shop for and wear designer cologne, as your friend, I must inform you that you are metro. If your monthly budget on clothing (excluding hunting apparel) exceeds your monthly budget on steak, you are metro. If you shop at Gap, metro. More than 5 minutes in front of mirror, metro. If you fail the man law on tight pants, metro.

Comment by bigplew

Alright, I gotta come clean. I too own a designer cologne. However, it was a gift from my wife. I think if it’s a gift, it’s acceptable.

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

Gotta love the Tommy Sport and Old Spice Clear Water. One for the more active outing and the other for when you just want to have that scent of clean!

Comment by Slayer

I wear candies for men every once in a while because my grandmother gave it to me when she was still alive (like 4 years ago) and when I put it on it smells like tuna, but I have to beat the girls off with a stick! Any advice? Should I test it out at vfc tonight or should I guard their hearts and sensitive olfactory glands?

Comment by joshcan

I made a mistake in my earlier post. Tommy is, of course, the name brand cologne. The imitation is Jimmy, and its feminine counterpart is Jimmy’s Girlfriend. Both smell quite nice (albeit, in different ways).

Plew, it appears to me that no matter what I do or say, you will always see me as feminine. If you were standing next to me, I’d slap you in the face–with my designer man purse.

Comment by Cap Stewart

As i walked into the VFC house today, my nostrils were hit with an overpowering and cough-incuding odor. I was informed by one of the house residents that “Oh, that’s Brendan.” Now, Brendan was no where to be seen, and yet the stench was almost unbearable.

I felt that this was a relevant topic and needed to be brought to the table.

-Anonymous girl (yes, I know this is the MAN speak blog, but in this case, I felt I should suffer your reproofs in order to bring truth to light.)

Comment by not at liberty to say

Presently I am trying to come up with my own cologne. Mix sweat, camp fire smoke and pine needles together. I call it “Hardwork” by Maples. Think there’s a market?

Comment by Travis

I would seriously consider “Hardwork” by Maples, but I already naturally exude that aroma.

Hoppe’s No. 9 is another good one.

Comment by Fritz

Why should people run from my cologne advice. I Believe thet Jovan Musk smells quite nice.

Comment by Boomer

As far as smelfer goes, I have had a female tell me that she always know when Kelfer is trying to sneak up on them (I guess he does this) or is standing close by because she gets a whiff of the smelfer. She never reacts in a manner anything close to “OOOHHH I smell Kelfer, doens’t he smell nice.” Instead it is more of a challenge to supress the vomit reflex. This, my friends, is a problem.

Oh, boomer, you’re an old man.

Comment by psteele

Cap, that is correct.

Comment by bigplew

i was googling my name a few min ago and discovered it here! I’ve never been to this site, nor do I know anyone on it!!!! SCAM!

Comment by Jonathan Kelfer




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