Manspeak


Honesty about “man dates” by Travis Evans
December 5, 2006, 11:53 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Men, I think its time we talk about the importance of Man Dates. I
know you might be thinking, “What in the world are you talking
about?!”  All men who love the church and desire to cultivate deep,
genuine, and meaningful relationships with other men in the church go
on man dates.  Since this has become a phenomenon, and an important
one I might add, I think its time we brought some clarity, definition
and purpose to man dates.

Man Date – setting aside a substantial period of time with one other
guy to hang out, talk and encourage one another in our life together
with the Lord.

To speak boldly, we need man dates.  Maybe it would be a regular
thing, like spending time with an accountability partner.  Or maybe it
would be once a month with one of your closer dudes.  But whatever the
frequency and activity, we as men need to spend focused time together
with limited superficial conversation and activity and really build
into each other’s lives and share the lives we now have because of
Jesus Christ together.  We need to be sharpened and strengthened by
other men.

Last night, I went on a man date with my good buddy Daniel.  We had a
blast and over all I was encouraged and provoked to love God more.
So, go call a dude and kick it!  If you have any great ideas or
thoughts concerning man dates, let me hear them!

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16 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I have an idea, let’s not call them ‘man dates’ for starters.

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

I agree with Jonathan. The term is flawed; it carries way too many negative connotations.

Comment by Cap Stewart

However, i do think it’s a great idea for guys to be more intentional in initiating biblical fellowship..getting past the “dude, what’s up” can be difficult!

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

This sounds a little like deer camp or time at the shooting range. A friend from church and I were out one afternoon shooting in his pasture. He was telling me about some hard times that he was going through. I offered very few ‘solutions’ as I didn’t think that that was what he wanted. I think he just wanted to talk. I offered to pray for him and I did. I checked up on him when I would see him in church or whatever. It eventually worked out and he seems to be doing better. It’s amazing what can be solved over some spent gunpowder and some holes in targets!

I must also agree. I don’t like “man dates”. It sounds to ‘metro’. I offer no catch phrase or buzzword. Let’s just agree to get together regularly as men and encourage and help sustain our brothers!

Comment by Fritz

I use this activity to catch up with old friends when our schedules make it where we never see each other. I do it every Tuesday and Thursday. It is a great idea.

I agree, as men of God, we should do this much more regularly. Jesus was doing some version of this with the disciples, but I must say, I don’t think He called them “man dates.” So we might want to revisit that issue.

Comment by Slayer

As a pastor, I mix this time up… sometimes, we work through a theology text… sometimes we just hang out, or go to a concert… sometimes we peg each other in games of wall ball… but we make it a priority to develop real friendships. I love seeing these men develop into the leaders God made them to be, instead of the nintendo freaks they want to be.
Real growth happens in community, not alone.

Comment by Joel

Men,
This is my first visit to your blog and I thought this blog post was interesting, except the gay title. Fellowship is very important to me, especially getting to know brothers in the Lord, encouraging one another and spuring on one another to love and good deeds. There has been a lack of this in my Christian walk and in my local church.

Paul in College Station, Texas

Comment by Paul Schafer

Paul, thanks for hitting up our site and we appreciate your input. How do you plan on cultivating more of these types of relationships in your Christian walk as well as within your Church?

Get rid of ‘Man Date’! Hangin, Kickin, Laxin, or even ‘Fella Ship’ should suffice! I know the Puritans had ‘Bosom Buddies’ But they could get away with stuff like that.

Comment by Travis

Fella Ship… that’s pretty good Travis.

Comment by psteele

Travis,

Pray and ask the Lord to provide guy friends, knowing it is the Lord’s hand to provide friends and to take them away. Some are for a season and some are for a life time. Some are local and some are long distance.

Get to know the men in my hope group, be available to socialize, hoping the God will turn the heart of men to enjoy my company. It’s not easy, all the guys have the same Lord, but not the same personality, tastes and interests. Some are more accustomed to stay superfiscial in conversation and some desire depthness.

Here’s a good article that talks about isolation in friendships.

Paul

Comment by Paul Schafer

Paul,

You’re right bro. It’s definitely not easy, sometimes it takes work, everytime it takes us getting our eyes off of ourselves, and what we can get and onto others and what we can give and how we can serve them in the friendship. It also takes throwin yourself in head first into the local Church.

Comment by Travis

Jonathan, I thought the same thing when I read this in my feed reader. You beat me to it!

But I suppose the author was deliberately being provocative.

Albert Mohler talks about the tragic death of male friendship in this brief commentary: “Sexual Confusion and the End of Friendship.” A great read!

Comment by Austin Storm

Austin,

It is a shame that Touchstone does not put Esolen’s “A Requiem for Friendship” online. I think I’m going to bug David Mills about that.

Meanwhile, I heartily recommend anothe Esolen essay that is online: “Over Our Dead Bodies.”

And, while I’m on an Esolen jag, here’s a trenchant comment he tossed into the current issue of Touchstone: “Women are beautiful, and men are necessary. It has been the great victory of the feminist movement to make women unlovely by persuading them that men are not needed.” Actually, this quote pretty well captures the core of his article “Over Our Dead Bodies,” though I’d recommend reading that one.

If you know a subscriber to Touchstone, see if you can cabbage a copy of Esolen’s “Requiem.” Mohler was spot on to be as impressed as he was.

Comment by Fr. Bill

I always try to nab Touchstone from my office. I’ll be sure to look up that article. Thanks!

Comment by Austin Storm

Just curious — when I saw the title of this blog entry, I understood what it meant, of course. But, I also understood it to be a pun … on the word “mandate,” you see. And, mandate certainly isn’t a sissy idea at all. Quite the opposite.

Comment by Fr. Bill

Oh yeah. I missed that entirely. Doh!

Comment by Austin Storm




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