Manspeak


Cereal, glorious Cereal by Kevin Shipp
January 30, 2007, 11:51 am
Filed under: Humor

I am addicted to, nay, I am infatuated with cereal. There is a very good possibility that it is an idol in my life. (I will let my accountability partner, Casey, help me figure that out, but for now enjoy my musings.) I can’t ever, and I mean ever, get enough of it.  For me and most college men, maybe even  most men in general, cereal isn’t a mere breakfast food, it is a dietary staple.  It is breakfast. It is lunch. And regardless of what beef farmers will tell you on catchy little TV adds, it’s what’s for dinner. It is the afternoon snack, it is the midnight snack. And I don’t even care what Taco Bell says, it is the original 4th meal.

Let me pull up a chair to your cereal table and allow me to guide you in the ways of getting the most out of your cereal experience. When it comes to cereal, you gotta be a mixer. Whoever limited the number of cereal to be eaten at a time to one was obviously severely troubled and didn’t fully appreciate all that cereal has to offer.

My dad taught me this early on in life.  On Sunday nights, typically after eating a late, large Sunday lunch, we would have “every man for himself” dinner while watching our favorite shows.  Almost every time, my dad either had as his main course 2 large bowls of cereal, or would polish off a dinner of a sandwich and chips with a single bowl. My dad always mixed. Always. Lucky Charms with Frosted Shredded Wheat. Frosted Flakes with Honey Nut Cheerios. Raisin Bran with Honey Bunches of Oats. Men it is important that you instill vital practices like this into your sons.  You must lead and teach by example. Also, food consumption, especially cereal, is a perfect time to engage one another in biblical fellowship.

Idea for a single guys “hang out” or for Fathers and sons: Buy 3 or 4 boxes of killer cereal, get a few bowls and a gallon of milk, mix and match 2, 3 or 4 cereals and talk about what the Lord is doing in your lives and how you are benefiting from his word.  Or watch a sweet guy’s movie like Glory, Open Range, or We Were Soldiers

As a minimum, you gotta mix 2 cereals. 3 seems to be the ideal number to mix, depending on the textures of the cereal, of course.  Another extremely important point: Mixing is an art.  It is a skill developed over several years and by rigorous trial and error.  You can’t just throw any cereal together. For example, you cannot mix Fruit Loops with Raisin Bran, or Cinnamon Toast Crunch with Special K with Strawberries.  The cereals being mixed must be of comparable or compatible flavor and texture.

However, there are cereals that act as a base, the solvent of the solution, if you will, and can be used almost universally.  Some examples of these are Frosted Mini Wheats, Grape Nuts, Wheaties, and Toasted Oatmeal Squares. (Try Grape Nuts with Lucky Charms.  Sounds gross, but it is unbelieveable. A flavor/texture roller coaster of joy.)

My favorite mixture of all time is Toasted Oatmeal Squares, Cinnamon Life, and Blueberry Morning. Currently, I am on an organic/natural foods kick, so I am having Kashi’s Go Lean Crunch with Cascadian Farm’s Multi Grain Squares with Vanilla Silk.

So, guys, let the discussion begin. What are your thoughts on cereal?  Why do you think it is so good and has become such a significant part of our diets? What do you think about mixing? Is it a new/weird concept for you?  What are your favorite cereals/mixes? When is your favorite time to eat cereal? Do you have any funny cereal stories? Do you have any questions about mixing?

Kevin

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27 Comments so far
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Kevin, I was with you up until this point:

“…I am having Kashi’s Go Lean Crunch with Cascadian Farm’s Multi Grain Squares with Vanilla Silk.”

This is the point at which you violated Man Law #221 which clearly states: “If the milk a’int true, shame on you.”

For those who may not know, “Silk” is a fancy, feminine, vanilla-flavored, soy milk alternative to real milk.

There are a few options for you at this point Kevin. 1) Please post a public confession of your violation of Man Law #221 and immediately go pick up some 2%, or 2) Travis is gonna beat the sissy out of you.

That’s where we stand.

Your Brother,
Jonathan

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

Vanilla Silk tastes better than your beloved 2% and its better for you. Not that you would care about the second one, but them’s the facts, Jack.

Kevin

Comment by Kevin Shipp

Don’t try to cover up your violation with some jabs at me, Kevin. We know what you did.

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

You’re right. Due to my lack of creativity and intelligence, I resorted to the most debased form of retalliation, personal attacks. I had no come back, I panicked, and ended up making a fool of myself.

It is better to be thought a fool, and keep your mouth shut, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Sorry.

Comment by Kevin Shipp

personally mixing cereals is just disgusting. stick with one, you’ll have more fun!

Mini Mike

Comment by mini mike

I’m not a mixer. I can’t imagine mixing my beloved Fruity Pebbles with anything else. The texture already changes as you progress in the eating process.

Oh yeah…I’m also married. Which means that me and my boy had breakfast with eggs benedict yesterday….booyahkasha!

Comment by bigplew

Yes, mixing is kind of gross. I can see where one could switch to a different cereal after polishing off one bowl, but to mix them…I think not.

JO

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

Mmm, Glory. That is one sweet guy’s movie. I just watched it a couple nights ago. Didn’t eat any cereal with it, though. I was too busy feasting off the sweetness of James Horner’s magnificent musical score (complete with choir and a shameless-but-nonetheless-captivating Carl Orff rip-off).

But about the cereal: Jonathan, once again your prove your insensitivity regarding the milk issue. Because of the Fall, sin entered the world and affected the entire human race (as you well know). One of the results of sin is allergies. Some of us are allergic to milk. (No, I’m not talking about “lactose intolerant.”) Using milk in cereal would literally make us sick. For us, viable alternatives are a necessity.

Then again, the fact that bovine extract was designed to feed baby cows (and not humans) could lead us to conclude that the real allergy belongs to those whose bodies allow them to drink cow juice with no qualms or noticeable physical repercussions. Whatever the case, Silk (among other drinkable liquids) is perfectly fine to use with cereal. If you have a problem with using Silk, fine. But to the pure, all things are pure.

Comment by Cap Stewart

Cap, simply hilarious!

And I’ve found something we agree on…Glory’s score is my favorite of all-time and actually lead me to like Carmina Burina as my second favorite (not sure if it would be called a score, opera, etc…?). I think you may not like this comment though: there’s not many musical scores that are appropriate for men to like, but that is an acceptable one.

Comment by bigplew

Mike, this truly is a day to remember. Here on the Manspeak blog, you and I have come together in agreement. Glory is one of my favorite film scores of all time. I finally acquired a copy of the album a few weeks ago and haven’t been able to stop listening to it. In fact, it was listening to the score that inspired me to sit down and watch the movie again…which inspired me to listen to the score again. (What a glorious cycle this is!)

What would be your criteria for film scores that are appropriate for men to enjoy? (I know we’re once again treading into murky, confrontational waters, but I’m curious.

Comment by Cap Stewart

Seeing I’m a girl, I figure you don’t want to know how I hate cereal (unless it’s frosted shredded wheat). It leaves a bad aftertaste (with the exception of frosted shredded wheat), the bovine juice makes my sinuses drain (I can tolerate just a few drips to moisten the frosted shredded wheat), and the thought of mixing cereals evolves in my mind images of slop I used to throw to the pet chickens I had as a kid (and there’s no sense in ruining perfectly delicious frosted shredded wheat in that manner). Since you asked for the guys opinions, I will refrain from speaking my own, other than just to say thanks for the laughs. 😀

Comment by BrittLeigh

If the movie is a war movie or a western, it’s okay. So, Cap, quit listening to your Pride and Prejudice soundtrack.

Comment by bigplew

Mike, I know you were just making a stab in the dark, but I actually do have Pride and Prejudice score CD, although I haven’t listened to it is quite some time. And for the record, the only reason I own that album is because it was given to me—no, not because I asked for it. I’m not the biggest fan of composer Dario Marianelli. Actually, you might want to take this issue up with Bob Kauflin; he both owns and loves the score.

Comment by Cap Stewart

This discussion was supposed to be about cereal, not film scores and sentimental music agreements.

Comment by Kevin Shipp

Kevin: you’re interrupting our conversation. Isn’t it about time for you to go eat another bowl of Fruit Loops and Raisin Bran?

Comment by Cap Stewart

that mixture violates the rules

Comment by Kevin Shipp

JO,
I think Kevin was feeling a little burned after last weeks post on um…you know. I think he wanted to throw in the bit about Silk Soy Milk to garner favor…just my theory. Joking Kev, Joking.

Comment by Travis

The thing is, the only rule is if it tastes good, eat it. eat as much as you want as often as you want. The fattening-er, sugary-er it is, the better. Cuz that’s masculine. plus theyre bowls not teacups cereel wuvs evrybudy. ieet my careal wtih plugs near.err plugs.

Comment by Mystery Mantrell

Kevin, I feel compelled to tell you that soy is a natural source of estrogen. Man, you are downing female hormones with your Grape Nuts!

http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53327

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Comment by the sentinel

I think that explains a lot about Kevin…

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

Kevin, think some of that estrogen you’re ingesting could have something to do with that bladder control problem? Just a thought.

Comment by Ben There

Have you ever been to one of those cereal bars? I saw one featured on the Food Network. You get to pick whatever cereals you want to have mixed … and they have TONS. Pretty much any cereal you can imagine – at your fingertips. I found a website – cereality.com.

Comment by Lauren

I have laughed out loud several times to this blog and the responses. If I can be a party-pooper for a minute…I’ve just today found this site after being referred by another to Kevin’s dinner mishap entry on the 23rd or 24th.

So, I’ve been reading the entries from that day forward. What has been glaringly noticeable is that lighthearted entries about food and humor receive 20+ responses whereas the ones that venture into “tough” issues like pornography and abortion or ones that refer us to deeper Christian subjects such as missions and Christ’s love for us remain almost without response.

I have no doubt that the founders of this blog site created it so that just such subjects would receive attention and that said attention would stem from various backgrounds, age groups, levels of education/Christian walk, etc thereby allowing us all to learn more about those subjects.

Just a thought.

BTW…mixing cereals…interesting. Never tried it. Will have to give it a shot.

Comment by Morgan

Interesting.

Comment by Mitch McDad

*shifty-eyes* I feel like I shouldn’t be here, but I followed a link over at the GirlTalk blog.

Pssst… have you ever read this article: http://www.westonaprice.org/modernfood/dirty-secrets.html ? Scroll down to that section on “processed cereals”.

As for the comment Jonathan made… well, if you want *real* milk, check out this site: http://www.realmilk.com

Just my agrarian two cents. 😉

Comment by CountryGoalie

I made Thern, my wonderful husband, a delicious meal. It was beef stewing meat (the best I could find), fresh veges and roast potatoes. After dinner I go to do something and come back to find him eating cereal! I was like, “Is that cereal?” He said, “Yes, it’s delicious. It’s my dessert!” Thought is was pretty funny! He loves his cereal!

Comment by Trillia

[…] to the numbers: 1)Women Aren’t Men 2)Women Aren’t Men (2) 3)Cereal, Glorious Cereal 4)How Can I Prepare Myself? 5)Who Shouldn’t I […]

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