You Can’t Spell Man Without: Gentleness by Travis Evans
March 1, 2007, 11:35 am
Filed under: Culture

By: Travis Evans

Men do you desire:

Love? – Yes
Joy? – Absolutely
Peace? – Sure do
Patience? – Yep
Kindness? – Pretty much
Goodness? – Check
Faithfulness? – Yes
Self-control? – YEAH!
Gentleness? – Come again?

I was going to do a Throttle Up Thursday today, but, considering all the “ruff ‘n’ tuff” talk, I wanted to express my heart to you, men. I don’t think that many men understand the dangers of wanting to fight, desiring roughness and/or toughness, or being wild at heart. So, I will share a testimony: mine.

When I was younger, I (like everyone else) was picked on in school, at times very excessive. I desired to be the biggest and the strongest. I desired to be able to think, “Yeah, I could take _______.” So, I bought a heavy bag. My life at home fueled how much I used it. Every day, sometimes for hours, I would blare heavy metal music and would unload on this bag. I would think about incidents and my anger would cause me to lash out harder and harder on the bag.

Over time, this routine built an aggressive, angry, quick-tempered person, filled with rage. I wanted to fight. I wanted to prove myself. I wanted respect from fear. I never did get in any fights, but my heart was DEEPLY effected. On the outside I was happy and fun-loving, but I was angry and bitter at everyone on the inside. I hated. I was filled with hate.

When I went to college, I was the same aggresive, angry, hateful, quick-tempered “man.” After becoming a Christian, I asked myself, “How do I want to be characterized? When people think ‘Travis Evans’, what comes to mind?” My answer came after a hardened heart was broken: GENTLENESS! I wanted to be characterized by it. I wanted people to see a person full of gentleness. See the change? Before, I wanted people to see power and toughness. But, God changed my heart!

Please, PLEASE, see the danger! See the sin. I’m not telling you to be weak, to not enjoy physical fun and sport, or to not protect people. I want to serve your soul. I am jealous that you NOT be like me. PLEASE cultivate gentleness. To this day, I am fighting against sowing to a rough/tough heart and mindset. I am quick-tempered (not slow to anger). The wallpaper on my computer says GENTLENESS on it (and I put it there on a photo that didn’t have it). It WON’T serve you as a brother, son, husband, or father to desire a wild heart that craves fighting. It is a lie, a fantasy that destroys your heart!! Pray that God would give you a gentle heart, slow to anger and filled with genuine love for others.

I agree with Plew. I want to hate, fight, and destroy sin.

I understand that some (or most) of this may not make sense or may leave you with questions. Feel free to comment, talk to me in person, or
email me


3 Comments so far
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Travis thank you for sharing your testimony. It’s so amazing to hear about God’s grace and mercy in someone’s life! I must say that Thern is very gentle and kind to me in how he leads me. I believe his gentleness helps me to follow and submit to him joyfully! He leads me with kindess but yet he still leads. I am thankful for that.
Thank you again Travis! A great perspective and I would say pleasing to God.

Comment by Trillia

I agree with you Squatty. Gentleness is not mentioned in many of the books for Christian men these days. Being gentle is not the same thing as being passive or being weak. It is more of a meekness. As a man, is there any other way that you would want to relate to your wife and children than with gentleness? (If you have them, I don’t.) Think about Frank Rimshaw. There is a man who gently leads his family, but is not passive and is not weak. That is what we as men want to be looking to model. There are times where we will need character traits other than those embodied by William Wallace.

On a related note: Squatty, does this fight for gentleness have anything to do with your penchant for snuggling with other guys?

Comment by psteele

In light of Gal. 6:1-3, gentleness is demanded in the action of restoration in the church body, whether the people involved are men or women. Our pastor spoke on this passage last Sunday, and he defined “gentleness” as “power under control.” It was rather intriguing to me and brought a whole new perspective to gentleness. Thank you for taking the time to write about this.

Comment by Katey

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