Manspeak


Dreams by Kevin Shipp
March 5, 2007, 9:35 pm
Filed under: Humor

A few days ago I had one of the most bizarre dreams ever. (See picture below to make sense of the layout.) In my dream, I was driving my car down a road. I saw a gas station on the right side of the road, so I decided to pull over. (While I was pulling over, my car turned into a bike. You can do cool stuff like that in your dreams.) The gas station was on a slope, sloping down and away from the road I was on, so all the cars at the station were sitting at a pretty ridiculous angle.

I pulled in for a second, but since my car had turned into a bike, I didn’t really need gas anymore, so I decided to leave. There was a small country road that ran along the side of the gas station and “T’ed” into the main road I was on earlier. On the opposite side of that road from the station was a long, steep, grassy, down-sloping hill peppered with huge pine trees. (In the dream, there was no end to this hill, it went on for infinity. No joke.)

I pulled out of the gas station on this smaller side road and went up the hill back to the main road. Being a cautious dream biker, I stopped and looked both ways to make sure I didn’t get hit. The coast was clear, so I started to turn left to go back the way I came on the main road. All of a sudden an old gentlemen in a T-top Camero appeared going super fast! (Whoa!!!!) I had no time to act as the man swerved toward me. (Again, in reality, most drivers would swerve away from a biker, but in my twisted dream land, the guy swerved toward me).

The car actually passed through me (pretty cool, huh?) as the man went over the edge of the main road and off into the sloping hill. Now here’s the weird part. As the car went through me, I met eyes with the old dude. (If you have ever seen Indiana Jone and the Last Crusade, the dude in the car’s face was just like the evil Nazi guy’s screaming face when he flew off the cliff in the tank). His eyes were super huge with fear and panic. His gaze and scream seemed to drill a hole through my forehead. Then he said it. (Even in my dream I thought it was hilarious!) As he flew over the edge of the road into certain doom, all he could muster as his last words was, “Holy Cow! I’m going off into the flippin’ environment!” I turned and watched as his car smashed and slammed down the hill, literally, off into infinity. I turned to ride off and his dog began chasing me and biting my pant-leg as I peddled.

The funniest thing, in my mind, is who refers to running off the road as “going off into the flippin’ environment”? It seemed so weird to me, but then it dawned on me: He said that in my dream, so my brain actually put those words in his mouth, so the idiot that actually refers to it as “going off into the flippin’ environment” is me!

Do you guys dream very often? Do you usually have good dreams or bad dreams? Do you have a lot of falling dreams? What’s been the most hilarious/bizarre/scary dream you have ever had? What about sleep walking and talking? Any good stories about that?

Kevin

Click to see the layout of the land from the Dream

the-dream.jpg


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5 Comments so far
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I actually have a pretty bizarre story. Well as some of you may know I live in the dorms. Well the last couple of weeks, my roommates girlfriend has been spending the night(she is actually over tonight), well anywho last Thursday I had to stay up late for a test on Friday in math. I didn’t get back to the dorm til 3am, needless to say I was tired. So I did what any smart, college dude would do, I went to sleep. Well at about 5:15am, my roommates girlfriend comes over to my bed, wakes me up, and then asks me “Can I sleep with you?” I was completely speechless and all I could get out was a “What?” She then repeated herself, and still I was speechless, could not say a thing. She then started looking at the end of my bed for a place to lay down, and then I mustered out, “Where is BJ?” She then said, “Oh yeah, where is BJ?” then she turned around looked at my futon, started moving stuff to lay there, then went back around to my roommates bed and laid down. I sat there in my bed for the next few minutes just wondering what in the world was that all about. I think she might have been sleep walking, but that was one weird night. Can anybody top that!?

Comment by mini mike

Kevin,

I think your dream occured at the intersection of Middlebrook and Joe Hinton. I mean it is perfect. You have your highway, a gas station, a side road that is a steep hill and the other corner is the flippin’ enviroment. However, the good folks at Pilot do know how to grade a site, so sadly the gas station is level. Perhaps me theory is dead. drat.

Chappy,

The only thing I have close was the one night I was woken up by a guy on my hall banging on the door because one guy came back drunk and had lassoed another dude and was proceeding to drag him down the hallway. That’s all I got. Well, this one time freshman year my roommate’s girlfriend was spending the night and she climbed up into my lofted bed and gave me a hug.

Comment by psteele

I remember one bizarre dream I had when I was younger. In fact, I had it more than once. In the dream I was standing at the top of a flight of stairs, throwing pies into the face of a vampire down below. (Yes, pies—with whipped cream on top and everything.) The vampire laughed good-naturedly every time I hit him in the face with a pie. I laughed along with him. We were having a grand old time. Then, the vampire suddenly got all menacing and slowly started up the stairs…but I always woke up before he reached me.

Comment by Cap Stewart

I had a dream when I was a kid that the wicked witch from the wizard of oz was flying around the upstairs of my house. My family hid in my sisters room and wouldn’t let me in. The witch caught me and next thing I know, I’m flying around the house with her. I think I tried to talk her into getting my sister instead of me. I’m still bitter at my family for that one, dream or reality, that was just plain ole’ wrong. I’ll forgive them when they ask for forgiveness for ditching me (even if they ask in a dream).

Comment by bigplew

Oh yeah…I just remembered another dream when I was a kid. A bunch of older bullies were chasing me down. I was running all over town trying to get away from them. I ran into this pyramid looking building, where it turns out, my parents are at the top selling furniture (which they never did, by the way). I was so relieved to be safe….that is….until they told me to leave because they were busy at work. End of the story…the bullies caught me. Again, that was just plain ole’ wrong by my family. That’s 2 things they need to ask forgiveness for.

I got issues.

Comment by bigplew




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