Manspeak


Are you a Man eater? by Kevin Shipp
March 27, 2007, 8:00 am
Filed under: Humor

I think we should discuss food, gentlemen. Over the past few years, I have gone through so many diet phases. Low carb, no carb, high carb, only carb, fat free, low fat, low sodium, low sugar, no soda, organic/natural/whole grain-no grain food kicks (by the way, dieting is so hilarious. I mean, if you avoided all the things that could be potentially fattening or health harming, you couldn’t eat anything, except water or condensed air wafers.) I’ve done them all in some form or fashion. You may be just like me, though: The primary limiting factors on my diet are money, health, and my own laziness. Only secondary is a concern to preserve a remnant of masculinity in my eating habits. This must be changed, and I need your help!

Lately, my man eating has been dominated by a childhood favorite: The Sloppy Joe. I love them and cannot get enough of them. I think I ate 9 of them last week. (Seriously) Bread, meat and that wonderful marinara/salsa-esque sauce. MmmmmBoy! I like to put shredded cheese and a few dill pickles on mine. (Oh yes)

So, what about it, men? What foods do you think are particularly manly? What makes food masculine? Are steaks, chicken, and pork chops the only acceptable meats for men to eat? What about fish? (My personal conviction is that not all fish is fairy, but some are more fairy than others. I might get beat up over this, but Salmon just seems really feminine to me. Its pink, and comes in little bitty portions. Shrimp is kinda girly too. Discuss.) Does how the food was obtained have any bearing on whether it is masculine or not? (like certain fish that are feminine: is it ok to eat feminine fish if you catch it yourself and cook it over a fire?) What foods do you guys think promote masculine times of “fellaship” or hang out time? In other words, what foods do you love eating when kickin’ back with the bros? Do you have any questions about certain foods? Are you a dieter? Do you “live the organic lifestyle”? What about restaurants? What restaurants are good and manly, which ones are neutral, and which ones should be avoided at all costs?

Kevin

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8 Comments so far
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Salmon is a girly fish? It is one of the heaviest fish that there is. Also, the inside of a properly cooked steak has a center that is approximately the same pink color as the salmon you deride. If there is a girly fish it is one of the lighter white fish. Maybe mahi mahi or tilapia.

Also, I hat eto say it because I am attacking myself, but if there is a girly place to eat in Knoxville, it is Panera. And I’m there all the time.

Oh well.

Comment by psteele

Yea I don’t agree with the salmon comment being girly. I love salmon. Plus how can you categorize fish as either girly or manly? Fish is fish! Now steaks, I believe is a manly food. Of course to me it is all food, so I don’t really think to much about it. I don’t see how mahi mahi is girly Paul, it is equivalent to a dolphin, and they are one of the smartest fishes. Definitely not girly!

Comment by mini mike

do you mean to say that to be smart is manly and to be dumb is girly, mini mike?

Comment by kevin shipp

good grief…a dolphin is a crustacean, not a fish mini mike!

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

Well first let me clear up a few things. Mahi Mahi also known by its more common name Dolphin Fish has been marketed under several different names to get it to sell because it is an all around not so tasty fish to eat. There are better fish in the seas my friends. I don’t think fish in any way, shape, form, or fashion are girly. I mean think about it Jesus ate fish and we don’t view him as girly. But off the subject of fish. I think any red meat is manly, or anything thrown on a grill or over an open flame deserves some respects as manly. Another rule to go by is messiness. I mean ribs covered in sauce are manly, ribs are also messy. See were I’m coming from. I also don’t think eating “girly” foods once in a while is bad. I mean I’ll admit it I eat salads once in a while, but I think if a man starts eating like a girl all the time another man needs to pull him aside and tell him to man up. Thats just what I think gents.

Comment by Jason Hiett

Manly foods:

Fish – it’s only manly if you catch it yourself.
Pigs — anything from there body that can be eaten is manly.
Cows — also good.
Vegetables — spinach because Popeye downed the stuff.
Anything by Little Debbie — despite the unfortunate name.
Chickens — only if they are covered in some kind of hot sauce.

Also, if you are fat, then none of these rules apply. You’re restricted to little salads, rice thing-a-ma-jigs, and water.

P.S. did anyone see Brendan Sunday night. He ate a 1 lb. burger covered in chili and nacho cheese. Manly — yes. Wise — me thinks not.

Comment by bigplew

Little Debbie is manly? Tasty maybe, but I don’t buy it. Not all of us have had to resort to attempting the “Little Debbie diet” in an attempt to gain weight. I mean, those little snacks are tasty, but they are both frilly and unhealthy.

Also, I like chicken. It’s tasty.

Comment by psteele

I am not saying you have to be smart, I am just saying that dolphins are smart. I totally agree on the Little Debbies though, those things are amazing!

Comment by mini mike




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