Manspeak


Self-Proclaimed prophet by Kevin Shipp
May 1, 2007, 8:58 am
Filed under: Humor

Every once in a while, a family, a culture, or a nation drifts into serious error (or just plain silliness) and must be reined in again. Typically, this “reining in” is done by someone from within the particular culture who, with lack of a better way to put it, seems to have been imparted divine insight into the problem. Think about Martin Luther and J. Gresham Machen. These guys saw the problem, thoroughly addressed it, and called people to respond! I like to consider myself, like these men, a “herald of reason”, a “voice of warning and call to action” or, If I should be so bold, a “prophet of manhood by being a mouthpiece of mandomness”.

So, I wanna talk about fishing, hunting, and golf. As is typical, in most church cultures in the south and east, when men want to be men, they hunt, fish or play golf. When women want to be women, they shop, make scrap books, or cook. All of my life, I have heard men making semi-derogatory, eye-rolling comments about women and their shopping habits or their scrap booking retreats, etc. Women, on the other hand, usually don’t give men a hard time about their manly pursuits. They may not understand men, much how men never understand women, but the ladies won’t go to great lengths to show their low-grade disapproval. Men, consider this the smelling salt, the slap across the face, the rude awakening from your slumber. Welcome to reality: Your little “outings” to the golf course, into the woods and the stream are more like shopping, cooking, and scrap booking than you think!

What’s really taking place when men go on these trips, isn’t a true celebration of manhood. Men aren’t rubbing mud and blood on their faces anymore, they aren’t tracking ferocious animals through the woods armed only with a small knife or a spear. It isn’t necessary to go kill food to keep the family alive as it was in centuries past. And no matter how much men try to convince you, they complain and whine and get all bent out of shape if it rains or if they slip in mud or if they break a nail while tying a fly. (I know I’ll get killed for this one) But any sport that you can play while wearing a polo shirt tucked into pleated slacks is not a sport. (I’ll grant to you that it is a very difficult game, but to consider it in the same category as boxing, football, rugby, and basketball? Give me a break! Punch me in the gut all you want, I’m stickin’ to my guns here.) These outings, both for men and women, can be broken down into 3 main components.

1. Competition: Men compete to have the lowest score, tie the best fly, catch the largest fish, kill the largest buck, who has the most camo gear, who can get their pocket knife out the fastest to open the box that the battery powered TV came in. Women compete to see who can find the best deal, the cutest outfit, the most “Oh, that is so you!” dress, the most creative page spread for their 3-year-old’s birthday party, or the most delicious triple chocolate pound cake.

2. Fellowship: Men talk about their struggles while waiting for their tee time, cry about conflicts in life while sitting in the bushes for 7 hours waiting for a deer with a negative I.Q. to come by to shoot at and miss, counsel one another while casting “10-2” on the stream, encourage one another with scripture, talk about what God is teaching them, confess sin, eat and drink “coke”, make life altering decisions about career or marriage, and may even put their arms around each other or share a bed. Women do like wise, although with men, the fellowship just happens and may even catch them by surprise. Women are more intentional and may even go with a plan for fellowship or ways to serve the other ladies!

3. Post-event bragging/story telling: Men come back bragging about that awesome shot they made from the sand-trap, that buck they “barely missed”, they show that huge trout that they caught, or stories of their “impressive survival savvy” like: “We made a fire using only wood, matches, and a little (13 oz.) lighter fluid” or “We walked all 18 holes on foot!” or “We slept in a tent and only watched 2 hours of Walker Texas Ranger”. Women do the same thing. They have mini fashion shows for their sisters or husbands, showing off the amazing clothes they found. They show off their best scrap booking work. They tell stories about how Denise cut her finger with the scissors but trusted the Lord even when they went to the emergency room.

So, men, snap out of it. You aren’t as macho as you think. Though I love and glory in the amazing differences God has established between men and women, I don’t think you (men) have the right to pretend that women are just so silly and strange because, culturally speaking, men are more like women than ever!

Kevin

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6 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I don’t hunt, fish or play golf. I suppose that makes me one of the enlightened–and truly manly–men?

Comment by Travis Seitler

Kevin… Shut UP.

Comment by TMT

“They tell stories about how Denise cut her finger with the scissors but trusted the Lord even when they went to the emergency room.” Okay, that was just bad! Man, you and your insights. (Seriously, I nearly woke my sister up when I came to that part from laughing so hard)

Comment by BrittLeigh

Ignoring some of the artistic license or even cheesy-ness, this is something that needs to be looked into more often. Men, how can we expect to be respected when we can’t even respect those we dream of receiving it from?

Comment by postalhoot

Kevin, as one of your roommates, I want to say that you’ve really improved your writing style. I mean syntax levels are off the charts! And your illustrations make the man from snowy river look like Giraldo Rivera! Now that’s something. NEWHAYz, you’re a truly magnificent author. You should take up writing. How bout you publish some exerpts from your hundreds of diaries you keep in a box in your room, next to the puppet monkey you talk to when todd’s not there.

With love,

Bongo.

Comment by bongo

HAHAHAHAHA. That was hilarious! You nailed me to the floor with such amazing precision. Who are you bongo? Jcan? And yes, it is true. I have a box full of “diaries”.

Comment by Kevin Shipp




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