Manspeak


What’s a man to eat? by Kevin Shipp
May 8, 2007, 1:41 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Before you read my post today, look below and read Jonathan’s post. His will serve your soul and fill you with gratitude toward God.

Today, I’m just gonna ask questions. I’ve talked about food before, but we never came to real, solid conclusions. So, let’s start with restaurants. Which restaurants are manly/ok for men to eat at and like? Which one’s aren’t? What kinds of foods should a guy avoid and what’s ok? With your answers, please offer CONVINCING or funny explanations.  Like, is it ok for a guy to love Panera? Is it acceptable for a guy to order a salad at a steak house? Can I order a yogurt parfait and still consider myself male? Can guys eat salads with craisins or oranges on them? And so forth… Let it fly boys!

Kevin

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9 Comments so far
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Alright let me start this off. If Panera is not manly I don’t want to know. I mean it has neither masculine or feminine conotations. Panera is my safe haven. So just because it’s serves salads doesn’t make it girly. If you order a salad at a steak house you need to be drop kicked by Chuck Norris back to your momma because you need to learn that a steak house is for steaks not salads sissy boy. There I hope that was funny enough for you Kevin. But the only exemption to the no salad in a steak house rule is that if it comes with the biggest steak they serve. Then it’s mildly acceptable just because it comes with the meal, but it doesn’t mean you have to like it and enjoy it or even eat it. Speaking of salads, no “craisins” or whatever other extremely fruity things you try to put on a salad are not manly. Salads are not manly, but they are not inherently girly either. They are more girly than manly. The only thing to put on your said to make it completely gender neutral is to top it with bacon bits. That makes up for the girl factor with the man factor and they just cancel out. Now off the topic of salads, yogurt, are you flippin kinding me. Yogurt is not manly, and yogurt par-whatever is diffently not manly. It doesn’t even sound manly or good for that matter. What is a parfait anyway? Yogurt is okay for men every once in a while. The only times I see it as valid is a) on a once a week basis or b) when you are sick and a doctor tells you to. That is about it for manliness tips from me. Your welcome Kevin.

Your friendly neighborhood Squirrel Boy

Comment by Jason

Panera is da bomb. Check out their Fuji Apple Chicken salad. It rocks.

Comment by jmoore

Since the dawn of man kind there has really only been one rule when it comes to manly meals. This rule is probably the most important of all. It doesn’t really matter where or how you fulfill this rule, just as long as you do it, you are a man. If you are somehow forced into a girly restaurant, this rule allows for real men to make a statement about his mandomness.

It really is a simple thing to understand, but for some reason we get lost in our contemporary society of diets. May we never say the “d” word again.

Rule numero uno in the Book of Man is every meal must have MEAT! The more meat the better! BREAKFAST! LUNCH! DINNER! 4TH MEAL! Always meat! 1ST course, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th all must have meat. A real man with hair on his chest would find a way to include meat into his ice cream sunday dessert course! A man always tries to include every type of meat: white, dark, red, cow, pork, deer, elk, buffalo.

One word men: MEAT.

Comment by Slayer

I’m sorry Slayer, but I disagree. Since the dawn of time, man has been gettin their toilets clogged up and floodin the basement (as it just did at the vfc house again) cuz they eat meat all the time! I say just go to Tomato Head, buy yourself a Kepner Melt on wheat bread with blue corn chips, hummus and a sweet tea with lemon. Crackalackin Gingivitis thats a good meal!!!!!

Comment by joshcan

Good thoughts folks.

Perhaps the eater is what defines what’s manly and what’s not. If Richard Simmons ordered a steak and ate it with his potatoes and gravy, it would not be manly. Conversly, if Chuck Norris put mandarin oranges and light red raspberry vinagarette on his salad, that might be manly. Perhaps he would be demonstrating his passion for God by taking care of his body and exercising self-control.

In any case, the most manly way to eat is with thanksgiving. Praise God for the gift of great tasting food in so many varieties!

I’m hungry now.

Comment by casey

remind me never to set foot in the basement of the VFC house…

Comment by Jonathan Oldacre

I don’t know about your eater theory there Casey. I mean, I just read an article about Chuck Lidell, you know the guy that basically rules the UFC. Well, in the article it says that chuck has painted his toenails pink. So does the manliest man this side of Chuck Norris doing something make it a manly act? I think not.

Comment by psteele

Ok…I noticed that no one has commented on restaurants except for Panera. Now…here is the rule for restaurants like Panera. If you are with a female then you are excused. But under no circumstances should you and your best guy friend ever be seen alone in Panera unless of course you are on a double date and you are waiting for your wives to get back from the bathroom. Ok with that said I feel the need to give a few examples of guy friendly places. First of all Outback is always a good bet. I mean the whole premise of the place is steaks. Second Wasabi Hibatchi Grill is good. I mean it is like a manly grilling experience combined with an asian circus. Grilling + Knives + Fire = MANLY. And of course any place that the primary food is wings,pizza or burgers is always safe for men. So I hope that helps clear things up for you all.

Comment by Jonathan Bradshaw

OH…and for you guys worried about keeping your intestines cleaned out. I have two words..FIBER PILLS. You can pick them up at any drugstore.

Comment by Jonathan Bradshaw




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