Manspeak


Conversations by Kevin Shipp
August 14, 2007, 10:03 am
Filed under: Humor

It has come to my attention that guys and girls use language in almost completely different ways. Let’s take group conversations for instance.

When a group of guys are together and talking (which is rare) there is a clear direction for the discussion and every comment interjected by each guy is an attempt to reach a conclusion and end the conversation. Not that the guys don’t want to talk, but the whole point of entering a discussion in the first place, for guys, is to find an answer to a question, reach a conclusion concerning a decision, or to get something done.

Not so with the ladies. When ladies are together talking, each comment interjected only opens up exponentially more questions and multiplies the number of topics being considered. Not only that, but girls often care more about the way comments are made or the environment in which the conversation is being held than actually talking. Usually, in the middle of everything, one girl will start doing another girl’s hair or altering the room’s decorations. Two others will excuse themselves into the kitchen to bake brownies and to develop a side/sub conversation. (This sub conversation will be reintroduced into the main conversation when the brownies are done, further multiplying the topics/questions)

Also, a conclusion is an alien concept to female conversations. There is no attempt to answer the question that began the discussion, or to make a decision concerning the topic that initiated the conversation. Most conversations end in three ways:

1. Since emotions play a huge role in female conversations, at least one or maybe two girls will begin crying and the rest of the girls will spend the rest of the time consoling, hugging, praying for, and rubbing the distressed girls’ back(s) until they finish sobbing.

2. One girl realizes that she talked far too long and is going to be late for (fill in the blank). This snaps all of the girls back into reality and they all go their separate ways, feeling like they have accomplished big things, when in reality they are probably more confused about life than when they began.

3. No girl can think to say anything else because no two girls are talking about the same thing anymore. Each girl’s brain has been completely sidetracked by the number of topics discussed or from emotional overload. They simply couldn’t handle one more idea or emotional stimulus. Each girl wanders off confused and disconnected from reality, wrestling with significant questions, not about the conversation, but whether not so-and-so is mad at her or if so-and-so is making a poor decision or if so-and-so liked so-and-so’s new haircut, etc.

Kevin

For the math nerds and engineers out there, here’s some graphs to explain.

slide4.jpgslide3.jpgslide2.jpgslide1.jpg

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4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

the graphs made everything make sense, thanks

Comment by Nathan Simmons

Kevin,
Glad to see you understand women sooo well. 🙂 I’m interested to know, though, how many all-female conversations you’ve participated in to come to this concise conclusion?
The graphs were pretty funny!

Comment by Shannon Carr

you are a master communication observer Kevin, hilariously on target.

JO

Comment by Jon

[…] meet in Texas. I don’t want to type out a long explanation. Here is a graph, courtesy of Manspeak, that captures how my emotions toward this track meet have […]

Pingback by Predestined to go to Texas « Dale’s Page




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