March 1, 2008, 1:37 pm
Filed under: Leadership, Roles and Relationships


By Walt Alexander

Have you ever noticed that in “picking” the right guy or the right girl it is just that? Have you ever noticed that the other person is always our preoccupation? We are often thinking: Is she cool? Is she hot? Is she organized (ok…maybe not)? Does she have money? We are quite scrupulous on the other person.

But far too often, we are not the same way with ourselves. So, let’s take our eyes off the other person for a moment and look at ourselves. Instead of finding the right person, let’s strive to be the right person.

So, how can I be the right person? Well, here are four categories to think through before you begin courtship (stolen from Mike Plewniak’s messages on courtship – part 1 and part 2):

Spiritual maturity. This is the most important category. Someone who is spiritually mature knows God. Someone who knows God is someone who thinks like Him. What God hates, they hate. What God loves, they love. Is this you? Someone who is spiritually mature is someone who is content in God. This is someone who is not easily swayed from their pursuit of God – they are even keel. They are consistently happy in God.

  • Is your life centered on the gospel?
  • Are you devotions consistent and passionate?
  • Guys, are you mature enough to lead spiritually? Are you willing to sacrifice your preferences to serve others?
  • Girls, are you mature enough to discern and follow godly men?
  • Guys, what pulls your heart? A girl who is popular, hot and flirts with you or a girl who is content with and pursues the Lord?
  • Girls, what pulls your heart? A guy who charms you or a guy who is faithful and leads spiritually?

Personal maturity. What you want here is a mature life. A personal mature person is someone responsible and faithful. It is someone who gets things done.

  • Are you faithful? (Ask your friends or your Care Group leader this question and you find out the real answer!)
  • Is your life organized or is it haphazard? Do you stumble through each day or do you strategically plan your day to honor the Lord?
  • Do you sleep late every day? Do you get to class on time? As Mike Plewniak said, “If you cannot get yourself out of bed and get to class on time, you are not ready for marraige…you are still just a boy.”
  • Is your car clean? Oftentimes, our car reflects our hearts and lives.
  • Are you productive? Do you work hard? Or do you waste your time playing World of Warcraft, checking your facebook, and chatting with people?

Economic maturity. What you want here is someone who can reasonably provide for a wife and family. What you shouldn’t be looking for here is to be able to have and do whatever you want if you got married. You should be able to pay for the essentials (rent/mortgage, health insurance, food, gas, cars, clothes, etc.), give sacrificially to the church, and grow into other things (house, kids, 401k, etc.).

  • Can you reasonably afford to get married and to provide for kids?
  • Do you have a job or are you marketable? How long until you get out of school?
  • Are you careless with your money? Where do you spend your money?
  • Do you have a credit card? If so, burn it now!
  • Do you have lots of debt? Can you reasonable afford to get married and continue paying off this debt?
  • If you are still unsure, take your budget to your father or your care group leader and ask him to help you make a reasonable budget.

Sexual maturity. What you want here is to have your sexual desires under control. You want to be disciplined. Though the desires are still there, they should not rule – either in sinful thoughts or actions.

  • How is your thought life?
  • Do you over-romanticize marriage? Are you preoccupied by the prospect of it?
  • Do you fight and subdue lustful thoughts?
  • How are your actions?
  • Are you flirtatious attention-seeker?

7 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Walt, did todd write this post for you? Get some grammar lessons bro. Great content otherwise.

Comment by Kevin Shipp

Hey man awesome post! This brought back so many things that I loved from Mikes seminar Im definitly gonna go review my notes!!

Comment by Dsizzle

hey Walt, great post man! Awesome reminder! Thanks for your care and wisdom!

Comment by chappy

When the topic of economic maturity is brought up, it seems that sacrificial giving is forgotten or barely mentioned. I think it is a bigger deal of where and how big one’s heart is to give than how much money they have to provide. Let us not forget that the Son of Man had nowhere to lay His head. Service and sacrifical giving should be the goal we aim for.

Comment by Squatty

[…] point to continue walking through who we should court – after spending last week talking about maturity – but I think oftentimes we focus on the wrong things and allow the right things to […]

Pingback by WHO SHOULD I COURT? « Manspeak

“Do you have a credit card? If so, burn it now! ”

This is actually a bad idea for how credit scores work. (That is if you are going to buy a house.) You are better off keeping it open and the balance zero. I am going to get a credit card soon for that reason. It is more about responsiblity to not spend money you don’t have. No credit is only slightly better than bad credit.

Comment by Dave McCarthy

Dave, by the way, “burn in now!” was a joke…somewhat.

Thanks for your defense of good credit card use though!

Comment by Walt

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