Manspeak


ONE MORE THING. by walterp
March 29, 2008, 8:00 am
Filed under: Leadership, Roles and Relationships

courtship-header-275.jpg

By Walt Alexander

For the past six weeks, I have been writing on courtship and this is the last post.  This is the final – and perhaps – most important guideline to remember about courtship.  Courtship is not about a set of rules.  It is about pleasing God.  We walk through guidelines and talk through criterion because we want to please God, not because we want to do everything right (according to the rules anyway!).  That said, in every rule/criterion that I laid down, don’t look for perfection.  Look for someone who is growing and you will find what you want!

So, in each of these six weeks (one, two, three, four, five, six)…

Is there anything I missed?
Is there anything you wished I had talked about?
Is there anything you were wondering about?
Have you been challenged by what we have talked about?

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9 Comments so far
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This doesn’t affect me anymore, but I hear guys talk about not even considering a courtship because their financial situation isn’t where they would like it to be. Often this can be rooted in pride, or in a desire for material comfort. Personally, I believe a committment to provide and taking steps to provide are far more important for a man than his income. There is nothing wrong with being married and poor.

Now if the same guy fails out of school because he neer went to class, goes to live with his parents, and neer desires to take steps to be anything other than a McDonald’s employee, there is a problem, but it is a heart problem, not a $$ problem. I guess I would like to see that explained more clearly as we are instructing young men on where they need to be when they get married.

Comment by psteele

Amen Paul! Well said!

Comment by Walt

I am going to put myself out one a limb here and consequently pray for a thorough rebuking, but, here is a question:

Whereas a wise man plans his steps, he must recongnize that God is the one leads him. In light of that, with all of the intentionality, “rules,” council, structure, and planning that is encouraged within Cornerstone towards courtship, could you illustrate to me what part faith has in this?

This is not designed to sound harsh, but, it seems as if you have thoroughly covered the wisdom side of courtship (wisdom is very necessary and glorifies God), but I see a lack of a full picture of courtship that glorifies God because I never saw faith as a player the vignette of courtship you presented.

I hope that you will respond, if not on this blog, then please send me an email. Thanks.

Comment by Jonathan Kelfer

Where is faith?

Also, faith has been noticeably absent (in a decision-making sense) from our discussion this far because it has been irrelevant. We have been talking about what courtship is, what it isn’t, who to court, etc. Faith comes into play when we make a step. Wisdom helps us define courtship and who to court, but we need faith to make the decision.

Once you begin a courtship (or step out to talk with a girl), you will see where faith is. It’ll be what leads you out of the gate.

Comment by Walt

I am afraid that you misunderstood me and may have misinterpreted my question.

As such, I do not wish to continue this conversation on here, but think that it may be better to meet in person. I’ll give you a call.

Comment by Jonathan Kelfer

I just wrote an interpretation of Kelfer, and then lost it because I didn’t type in my email. So here it is in brief.

Walt, I think Kelfer is wanting to know how faith in the life, death and resurrection of Christ is the underlying principle that both motivates and enables courtship. He isn’t concerned with “stepping out in faith” but how faith shapes the entire process of courtship.

I thought that it was a good question, and I’d like to see it answered as well.

Comment by psteele

That is a great question Kelfer and Paul!

Here are some ramblings:
Most importantly, faith in the life, death, and resurrection of Christ should determine who we court – because we should not court someone who is not saved and is not growing in godliness. It should also radically affect how we court – because we should court to please and glorify our risen Savior by walking in a manner worthy of the gospel. And it should give us a proper view of courtship, engagement, and marriage; in that, they are temporal and earthly lots, whereas being with Christ is our eternal lot.

Is that what you were getting at? Is that helpful?

Comment by Walt

Over all, I just have one question, and am looking for an honest opinion.

Don’t you think all this stuff sucks the romance out of a relationship? I mean, you even suggest that if two people have no attraction for each other they should try courting anyways.

I commented on a few of the posts, I hope you can get to them, thanks!

-James

Comment by jamesthayer

James, thanks for your reading and for your comments! I’m guessing you are Tyler’s brother…

To answer your question, Yes and No. Yes, I do believe courting sucks most (hopefully all!) of the initial romance out of relationships. The romance that sprouts prior to or at the beginning of a relationship is most often connected to superficial things, like dress, personality, looks, etc. This romance, this affection, WILL NOT last (Proverbs 31:30). So I am definitely striving to present an alternative to this type of dating, of relationships.

However, no, in another sense, it does not suck romance. It actually puts romance on display (but not in the way you think). See, when a courtship progresses and a couple finds out they are called to be married, then the man can initiate and express romantic affections, within reason, for the woman. But these affections are based on a much firmer foundation, one of commitment.

Does that help?

Walt

Comment by Walt




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