Straws. by joshcan
November 18, 2008, 12:34 pm
Filed under: Humor

I don’t know why, but it’s just not masculine to drink with a straw. Do you get that feeling too? It’s one of those things that, as a man, just doesn’t feel right. Sometimes I’ll be at Panera sippin on my 32nd sweet tea refill of the day and wonder why I just haven’t felt right about it the whole time; then it dawns on me: I’ve been drinking out of a dang straw the whole time. They may have a practical side, but I just can’t get past the sissy vibe they give me. I brought this up to some guys at lunch Sunday and they had some very helpful insights.

My friend Abraham, who, by the way, sports a quite substantial beard, offered the tidbit that a cup with a lid and a straw seems an awful lot like the adult version of lil kiddie’s sippy cup. Eureka! So true. What, I need a lid and a straw to keep me from spilling my grape drink all over my triangularly cut PBJ with no crust and teddy grahams? No thanks. I think I can handle it.  It’s like bowling with bumbers, golfing from the ladies’ tee or wearing pads to a pickup game of football.

Other thoughts: No matter how hard you try, there’s no masculine way to drink out of a straw. Try it! You look like a sissy. You just can’t avoid the necessary puckering up and eyebrow raising. In fact, my bearded buddy Abraham says he and his brothers played a game when they were growing up, to see who could make drinking out of a straw look the most manly. Needless to say, nobody ever won.

And don’t even get me started on bendy straws. Not only can you not take the effort to bring the cup to your mouth, but you have to have it bend in the middle to make it even easier on your wrist muscles or something?

I know I’m running the risk of offending some guys right now. But if you’re offended, look at your life and drinking practices. Can you honestly defend drinking from a straw as masculine? I’d love to hear a plausible argument for it. Otherwise, I urge you, throw away your graduated sippy cup practices and join the rest of us at the big kid’s table.

So, what do you think? Is it unmanly? Manly? Neutral and of no importance? An indicator of the type of man someone may be? I’d love to hear some defenses for or against it. Comments?

by joshcan


5 Comments so far
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I have long held that drinking with a straw is not manly. Nonetheless, some cups are so flimsy and full of ice that, without the lid, there is no way to tip the cup without either spilling ice all over or crushing the cup. I try to maintain a strict no-judgment policy toward other males who do choose to use a straw.

Comment by Paul

Here in Romania they don’t believe in ice, so this issue rarely presents itself. The only times I have been given a straw since I have been in this country (that I can remeber) were at two particularly ethnic locations, KFC and McDonalds. Oh, I think I also got a straw from Starbucks in Bucharest (the capital.) So, whether manly or not they are definitley American.

Comment by psteele

here’s another reason not to use straws. this true story was told to me by a fellow employee many years ago – it was her most embarrassing moment. she and several friends (couples) went out to eat diner at a fancy restaurant. they were all dressed up styling and everything. as they were all yakking it up over dinner, she leaned her head down to take a drink from a glass with a straw in it. the straw went straight up her nose. then she jerked her head up quickly but the straw was stuck, so – she sat there with a straw stuck up her nose in this fancy restaurant and all her friends howling with laughter. straws are dangerous – not just for men. ; >

Comment by dad

ha ha…i am cracking up over the straw up the nose…

Comment by Tyler Thayer

My dad always told me only girls and sissy’s used straws-thats why I dont-Thanks Dad for not letting me be a sissy-bro

Comment by latitudeandlongitude

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