Manspeak


Is Santa Really A Man? by joshcan
December 23, 2008, 1:29 pm
Filed under: Humor, Uncategorized

It’s something that’s been on my mind a little as I’ve prepared for his annual visitation down the chimney at my parents’ house. Think about it:

  • For one, what man would be caught dead in red velvet?
  • If I had 9 reindeer, 8 would be in the freezer cut into steaks and a good bit of Blitzen would be makin a trip to the taxidermist.
  • Sleighs are pretty outdated. I’d recommend a flying one of these.
  • I imagine kids would stop writing letters to him when they got their third socket wrench set or 5th Ronco product in a row.
  • I’ve yet to find a man that giggles when described as having a “bowl full of jelly”
  • Think about all the other mythical holiday Men: Father Time shows up once a year looking scraggly, ominous and ready to open up a can. Definite guy. And heck. Even Cupid packs heat.

A couple things Santa does have going for him though is that he’s got a really stout beard, apparently has a profound sense of direction and can pack a vehicle efficiently–something I don’t think a female Santa could ever do.

Just a thought. Anybody got any evidence in Santa’s character that could readjust my view?

And Have A Merry Christmas!

by joshcan

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2 Comments so far
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“He knows when you are sleeping.
He knows when you’re awake.
He knows when you’ve been bad
so be good for goodness’s sake.”

Where do you think he honed those excellent direction skills. I think Santa is a real creeper. I don’t think a beard helps when he is, clearly, on the level of a psycho stalker.

Comment by Dave M

I agree. Santa, as described in many Christmas songs, is definitely creepy. No mere man could have all of the qualities that are ascribed to him.

But Santa is definitely a man of some sort, because, he does have a wife!

Comment by Caleb H.




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