Manspeak


Manskills #6. Survive: Find Potable Water.
June 5, 2009, 12:07 pm
Filed under: Masculinity

During the summer, men do spontaneously primitive things. Like hurl themselves blindly into some uncharted wilderness-like location, throw their rubber sheets over a tree limb and sleep on the gound. Often times, they do this with absolutely no preparation whatsoever, and because of the fall and our inherent pride, they assume they can survive these dangerously primitive situations. Jeff Sanders, in Popular Mechanics, field director of Boulder Outdoor Survival School in Boulder, Utah helps us understand some of the steps necessary to surviving these self/stupidity-inflicted, precariously primitive predicaments.

Manskills #6. Find Potable Water

  • Don’t exert yourself in the heat of the day. You may lose more water by sweating that you’ll gain by digging. Ravines and valleys are carved by running water, so head for the bottom. In deserts, with only occasional flow, look for cottonwoods, willows and other light-green vegetation that grows in wet areas. When the sun or moon is low in the sky, scan the horizon for reflections that may reveal the location of small pools. (Don’t worry if the water looks scummy. Waterborne illnesses won’t kick in for at least three days’ dehydration can kill in a single day.) Collect morning dew by wiping grass with a cloth, then wringing out the water. If you have plastic bags, wrapping them around the boughs of deciduous trees yields 1 or 2 ounces a day.

Don’t overestimate yourselves, fellas. Potable water in your spontaneously self-inflicted wilderness survival predicament is harder to find than you’d think. Let that be a lesson to you.

More to come later. In the mean time, happy survival to you.

joshcan



100 Skills Every Man Should Know
June 3, 2009, 2:00 pm
Filed under: Masculinity

A Hearty Hello to all of you men/aspiring men/random female readers,

In a Popular Mechanics magazine I recently stole from a friend of mine (sorry Jason), I saw an article titled “100 Skills Every Man Should Know.” It intrigued me, because I’m always looking for easy ways to seem more manly. I’ll take any little thing I can to add to my repertoire of skills and useless talents, in hopes that I can at least look the part of a manly man, until, God willing, I may at some point become one.

Anyway, throughout the summer, I hope to post a few of these, to keep you on your toes, and growing in your outward manifestations of your (hopefully) inward, (primarily) Godly masculinity.

(1)   Split Firewood (Originally written by Nathan Waterfield)

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  • “Seasoned splitters use a maul, not an ax, to prep firewood. (With its slim taper, an ax head often gets stuck in the end grain.) Don’t use a chopping block–it reduces the arc of the swing, which decreases power. Instead, place the log on the ground, 5 inches closer that the length of the maul handle. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart; place your dominant hand at the bottom of the handle and the other hand three-quarters up the handle.
  • Rest the maul on the wood, then lifet all the way up–your bottom arm should be straight and your top arm slightly bent. As you begin the downward motion, slide your top hand down to your bottom hand, Use your whole body, not just your arms, and bend your knees slightly, snapping them back a split second before hitting the wood. You want to drive the maul through the wood, so complete the swing once you make contact.

This is for all those guys in the southern hemisphere who are now experiencing winter, by the way. Or us Norther Hemi guys who want to get in some practice before the treacherous mid-south winters billow our way.

joshcan



No Mo Cap’n Crunch–I’ll Be Reborn
April 7, 2009, 2:04 pm
Filed under: Humor

Check out this theological statement on the absence of breakfast in heaven.

joshcan



Free Stuff Is Very Masculine
February 25, 2009, 10:38 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Just like grace is free, and pancakes were free from IHOP yesterday (you bet I hit that up), a gracious fellow at Boomer In The Pew blog is giving away a FREE CALFSKIN ESV STUDY BIBLIA!!! Check it out, and then you’ll know why I posted here.

Keep in mind though, the grace of God is even free-er than this giveaway. Praise the Lord!

–joshcan 



Don’t Waste Your Snow: A 7.5 Foot Snow Bear Warrior
February 3, 2009, 1:38 pm
Filed under: Humor

Compelled by the call of God to subdue the earth, a group of East Tennessee, snow-deprived young men endeavored to create Knoxville’s largest snowman, and perhaps the world’s only 7.5 foot Snow-Bear Warrior. We named him Eric. But I’d like to rename him Bearic, the Frosty Killer.

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Here’s the process of our feat of masculinity.

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His bottom section has to weigh a couple hundred pounds, and we had to create a ramp to roll the middle section up there.

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His right arm goes all the way to the ground, and his left arm (because we got lazy and cold) ended up being two 5-foot sticks, holding a cookie sheet shield.

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That’s me trying to be as cool looking as Bearic, for scale, of course.

joshcan



A “Pet Peeve”
January 27, 2009, 12:12 pm
Filed under: Humor

So I’ve got this “pet peeve,” so to speak. And hopefully you can relate. When dog owners give their pets people names. When I’m in the mall or some place comparable, and I see an older lady or some high school aged female, and they’ve got a dog that’s too small to sustain itself in the wild and they call it “Jessica” I just can’t help but feel like something is terribly wrong. Animals should be named things like Tiger, or Spock, or Lucky, or Pit-of-Vipers, etc. NOT names like Jonathan, Phillip or Elizabeth.

Some, however are okay. Ralph, Jack, Bob. I can handle those. But please don’t name your dachsund Jeremy or your Shitzu Amanda.

It’s just wrong.

Any other examples?

–by joshcan



Manly Men of the Old TestaMENt
January 20, 2009, 12:41 pm
Filed under: Humor

— by joshcan

With no intention of taking scripture lightly, you can’t ignore how the old testament touts some awesomely manly tales of masculinity. Just check these out!

Second Samuel 23 (Appropriately named “valiant men”):

Josheb-basshebeth–He wielded his spear against 800 whom he killed at one time.

Shammah–He stood in a plot of beans and defended it against the Philistines when all the other men fled.

Abishai–He wielded his spear against 300 men.

Benaiah–A doer of great deeds. He struck down two ariels of Moab. Wait a second. I’m not completely convinced of this guy. He struck down two ariels (?). (I guess that’s tough?) He did dominate a lion in a pit on a day when snow had fallen, which is pretty bad. He must be tough. But then it says he struck down an Egyptian, a “handsome” man. The Egyptian had a spear in his hand, but Benaiah went down to him with a staff and snatched the spear out of the Egyptian’s hand and killed him with his own spear (I can respect that).

Then there’s Ezekiel–He lied on his side for 410 days in front of a model of Jerusalem to “bear their punishment”! Dang. I don’t care who you are, that’s intense! I can’t even go a whole night without turning over, let alone, 14 months!

Shamgar–In Judges 3, this manly dude took an ox goad and killed 300 Philistines with it.

Basically, the OT’s got some stout fellas. Empowered by the Spirit of God, they were faithful and dominated.

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Have any of you dominated anything comparable before?